Prayer to Ward off Report Card

Father, who art in heaven,
On this gravest day of judgement,
Please strike haste in this Hatian driver's soul,
for thy brave schoolbus doth run slow.
May postman rest glued to toilet.
May paternal unit remain fast at work.
May little sister be temporarily kidnapped by benign gypsies.
May mine eyes be first to mailbox.
May thy post arrive by way of Taipei.
For in math thou didst not grant me prowess.
Nor in English did thoust grant me much craft.
Nor in French, albeit that another story altogether.
Godspeed Pierre, Godspeed.
Amen.