Prayer Before Participating in Kumite

Lord our father who art in heaven.
As a sit here, legs spread and balanced between hotel chairs.
I humbly ask of thee to protect me as thoust has protected
countless generations of Dux brothers before me.
Spare the wrath of Chong Li or the knee of Tong Po.
May neither Tiger, Monkey, Mantis, Crane or Snake graze me.
Bless me with hot-bodied undercover reporter.
Guide me in form of bugeyed mulleted translator.
May I not suffer the fate of your pious Ogre.
May Cody not have to settle the score...again.
May I avenge sensei, and father, and brother, and murdered wife, and homeland, and warbuddy, and burnt down dojo with honor.
May I break their records like I break their face.
Guide my hand through brick and Ice.
Guard my face from glass and sand
May my accent pass as Creole.
Amen.