Prayer to Prevent Pocket Dialing

Dear Lord,
Before I succumb to this eve's festivities,
I pray thee keep watchful eye upon mine faithful T616.
Whilest devoted and noble, none equal,
Freak tendency doth she prove to have.
Lord ensure activation of hold button.
Impede all stray calls to female.
Drunk-dialing 'nough troubles bestow me,
Keep buttons bunked firm in thy care.
I pray thee no mumble nor catcall,
Shall escape this pocket for free.
Tomorrow's a new day entirely,
Lord spare me the "oh shit, fuck me."
Amen.